Discouraged

“Friendship is the only thing that will show up at our funerals,” Ann Voskamp. 

Why do I run from them so?  I was created for relationship, the ultimate relationship being with my Creator and Sustainer, my Savior, my God.  Why does the thought of picking up a telephone to call someone I love, choke and entangle my mind?  Why does the sound of little feet running to my bedroom at the breaking of every dawn leave me suffocated, struggling for air, for freedom. 

One day when my crown becomes gray I know I will long for this communion, for this everyday intimacy.  This dungeon my thoughts have created for me have certainly trapped me for unseen time.  I long for the mind of my youth, where thoughts were pure and simple, untainted by worldly indulgence.  To be free to be myself without doubt and inferiority, to love and be loved simply as it comes.  Maybe, one day… maybe I will embrace these loves that I think tie me down or disrupt my day.  There is hope, in Him, when I seek and obey. 

Please don't misunderstand - my children, my husband, my family, my church family - they are my life.  Everyday I pour my life into theirs, but sometimes the discourager comes and brings me down.  The enemy attacks my thoughts and my own defenses are useless.  My only hope is in my God.  The Creator who made every part of me knows my mournful thoughts, but He also knows that in these valleys there are lessons to be learned.  I must learn to rely on Him and Him alone.  I am nothing, He is everything.  Help me Lord, I pray.